Merry Christmas

"Life asked death 'why do people love me, but hate you?' Death responded, 'because you are a beautiful lie and I'm a painful truth."

I saw my grandpa today. It was surreal. I saw his name and all these things just for him and I could not believe it. I gave my dad a picture of him and my grandpa from when my dad was a boy. He loved it. And cried. We all did. We miss him dearly. I never imagined that I would miss him that much. I was never that close with him but he was my grandpa.

I hope Alex is doing okay. I know it is hard without Jeff. I cannot imagine that type of pain...

Empty

Exhausted.
Drained.
Sleepy.
Over.
It.

I'm not alive until you call

And I'll bet the odds against it all.

Grandpa Ben

My grandpa died Monday. He was having a lot of issues with his health for a while now. But he went peacefully in his sleep. So I suppose that's the good thing. This is the closest death to me-ever. I think I am still in the shock phase. I am pretty busy with school and work so I have not had much time to think about it either.

I am sitting here at school. People watching. Everyone has places to be, people to hug, skateboards to ride. I'm one person in this campus and I have my own things going on. And so do they.

My grandpa was in the middle of a lawsuit. In 2010 he had to have some teeth removed and they put him under anesthesia. However, there was a complication and he stopped breathing. They did not know what to do and they were very unprepared. We, as a family, feel like ever since this procedure happened, his health has deteriorated even more and that the people who did his surgery are to blame.

They are happy though, because he is dead. Meaning the lawsuit is dropped. But my grandpa deserves justice. And we will fight this.

I loved my grandpa and I became closer with him the passed several years. He was funny. But also very grumpy. And mean. But he was also loving.

My cousin was always everyone's favorite. I think that's why I tried so hard to succeed. Not to be everyone's favorite, but to show them that I am worth loving and worth something. I always wanted to ask my grandpa if he loved me or was proud of me.

Now I never will.
️Rest easy big guy. We love you and will miss you always.

Wildest dreams

"Say you'll remmeber me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset. Babe, red lips and rosy cheeks say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams"

-T.S.

Too many to choose from

I have listened to most of Taylor's new album and I like songs 2-8.  The rest I cannot get into or just do not really like yet.

I have decided to pick out some of my favorite lines/parts/whatnot. They could be just because I like them or because they remind me of something.
Either way, IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING. Liking a song because it reminds you of an experience is different from wanting something back. It is a shame I have to even caution this but I do not want anyone getting the wrong idea.
So here we go.

#2: Blank Space:
"Cause we're young and we're reckless, We'll take this way too far,
It'll leave you breathless,
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane."

#3 Style:
"I say 'I heard, oh, that you have been out and about with some other girl, some other girl'
He says, 'What you heard is true but I, Can't stop thinkin bout you' and I
I said, 'I've been there too a few times."

#4 Out of the Woods: [aside from the bridge]
"But when the sun came up I was lookin at you
Remember when we couldn't take the heat
I walked out and said 'I'm setting you free'
But the monsters turned out to be just trees
And when the sun came up, you were lookin at me
You were lookin at me
You were looking at me,
I remember, Oh I remember"

#5 All You Had to do Was Stay:
This whole song-I love it.

#6 Shake It Off:
Also, the whole song. It makes me want to dance.

#7 I Wish You Would: 
"I wish we could go back
And remember what we were fighting for
I wish you knew that I miss you to much to be mad anymore
Wish you were right here, right now, it's all good, I wish you would....
You always knew how to push my buttons
You give me everything and nothing
This mad mad love makes you come running."


#8 Bad Blood:
Holy Smokes. This song is so awesome. I love every single thing about this song. If I had to pick one verse, though it would be this--
"Did you think we'd be fine, still got scars on my back from your knife"

1989

I Wish You Would-Taylor Swift

I could do my usual "song lyrics that remind me of someone or something" and I will. But I wanted my first post about her new album to be about you S. This song reminds me of you. And me. And us. We are finally in a good place and I am happy. So this one is for you. 

I love you.