Here we go

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
- Tupac Shakur

"He's a guy"

I ABHOR that phrase and excuse.
J uses it a lot in defense of S and I could not disagree more; want to know why?? Because of my last boyfriend.
Lemme just say A, you set the bar pretty high.
I remember when we were together you always went the extra mile to be sweet or do considerate things--it didn't just stop when we started dating. Honestly, I really miss that. J says that I should expect that because S is a guy and they do not think or listen and the truth is that is a goddamn lie! I had a boyfriend who did listen and who did think about my feelings so why should I have to settle for someone who won't?
I bet you are thinking "well, Syrena, why don't you go back with your ex than if he made you feel better?" And I say this "because *insert pause here* a few reasons, 1) I do not even think I like him that way anymore (it is pretty sad that I do not know but I think I don't because I found out he was dating someone and I was not jealous), 2) I love S. 3) He doesn't want me anyways.
Yes, guys are guys but there are also gentlemen, and ladies, if you are lucky enough to be with AM then man you have a keeper for sure. The timing was not right for us but we loved each other and he treated me well when he was on the same continent. We had a very good relationship, from what I can remember. I am not bitter that it is over but I am happy that I was able to be loved by someone like him-a great heart, caring, protective, creative, silly, and downright wonderful. AM, you will make someone so happy some day--I hope someone makes you just as happy as you made me, or happier (if your current GF does not last-which I hope it does).

He is just a guy. Yeah, right.

Hart of Dixie

***SEASON TWO SPOILER ALERT***

I just finished watching two episodes of Hart of Dixie. The first one Wade cheated on Zoe and I cried my eyes out...I know that pain and it absolutely sucks because I was routing for them.  The next episode Zoe gives Wade his stuff back and I can just see how heartbroken he is...but he deserved it.  Being cheated on is one of THE worst pains ever, if not the worst.  It hurts like hell and causes distrust in all future relationships.  I do not know why I decided to write about this one...maybe because it hurts...maybe because I think about getting cheated on a lot...maybe because I can relate to Zoe's pain and seeing Wade's face when he lied to her about it and then when he finally told her it broke my heart all over again.  I wish love was more simple and that if someone wanted to cheat they could just leave the person.  It is not that way though and it will not ever be, unfortunately.

Now, I will be alone and watch another episode of Hart of Dixie. [Season Three is on TV now so I need to catch up]

Pablo Neruda

You used that poem for me.

But I used it for him so I could try and forget you.

I have the best boyfriend ever guys.

You can spend the next birthday with me, just not this one...

It is just one of those days

I remember when I first met you, I thought to myself "How did I live my life without you? How did I manage that?" A few years have passed since that day and I'm beginning to thunk that our paths have almost finished crossing. I feel like I am slowly  losing you and each day now consists of less of you and more of everything and everyone else and soon we'll become those people who cross the street to avoid each other. Strangers. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe we have ran out of love to give each other. I don't know but what I do know is that I am extremely glad that our paths crossed. Even if it was just for a moment.

Not sure where I found this but I think it is good...and relevant.

Didnt get invited

To play.

Wow. I must really suck.

A-

I have thought about our beginnings recently and I came to the conclusion that we should have never been together. You ended up with Cori and after she broke it off you said you would WAIT for her. Then a few weeks later you end up with me.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Do you never see the bad stuff you do?
I watched you be with my best friend and I am the wrong one here?
Yes, I flirted.
Yes, I made friends.
Yes, I got too close.
I am owning up to my mistakes, you never did....minus the one time a few months ago.
You were the one who left.
This started even before that October morning. I was never good enough for you because deep down you never really wanted to be with me. You got used to the idea of me, yes? Yes. I was never your first choice and that hurts...

I had more to say but I am just getting upset.

San Francisco vs. San Diego

I didn't get into SDSU, in case anyone is wondering. Still waiting on San Marcos. 

I guess it is time former to way my options. I am so confused so I guess I need to write everything down. 

SAN FRANCISCO 

Now this category depends on whether or not i am accepted into my major or not. 

Pros-it is already a 4 year university, two years already done, I like the school, independent, job, cold☔

Cons-I am already $12,000 in debt, lonely, unhappy

SAN DIEGO

Pros-close to home in case I need to help out, can take more courses for cheaper at a community college(sign language), free rent, happy

Cons-leave a 4-year university, might take awhile to get accepted into another college, HOT🌞

Decisions, decisions. Being a grown up sucks, especially when you don't want to disappoint anyone...

Let's get high...NOT

I feel like I am the only person not interested in smoking, whether it be cigarettes, pot, hookah, etc. Every one on facebook talks about how much fun they have smoking and how cool it is and blah. But that is just not interesting to me and I dont want to associate myself with people who do that. Recently, S smoked and I didnt know how to deal with it. I still dont. What if it happens again? What if it turns into something worse than hookah? I didnt sign up for a smoker and I dont want to deal with them. I worry whenever S is with his friends because he always does stupid stuff with them. He wants me to trust him..well I cant. I already have trust issues and then to lie to me about stuff like that just makes it worse. NO! I WONT SETTLE! I am not going to be with someone like that and if he does anything like that again, it is over. I just dont want it to be...

I dont want to lower my standards more. If I am not reason enough to not do it then I guess he isnt worth my love.

It still hurts that he lied..

His favorite memory from teenage years..

His first girlfriend...ew.