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After that last post some of you may ask "why are you with this guy? Do you still love your ex?" And the answer to those questions are very simple.

1) I love my boyfriend and he makes me so incredibly happy. So simply that's why I with him. He pushes my buttons but he has also made me a better person. He has taught me what's important and what I ultimately want in my life. I feel like he has grounded me. Many people tell me that we will not last because I'm such a free spirit and I want to do so much with my life and he doesn't. They don't know him. We want the same things in life and we compliment each other really well. I bring out the silly in him and he helps me tone down (let's face it, there is such a thing as too much). He is the first person I want to share things with and do things with. If something goes right I tell him first; if someone makes me mad I tell him first; if something goes wrong I tell him first. I look to him as my companion and as someone I go to. I don't think I tell him enough how much he means to me. But he does.






2) I love my ex in the sense that he was my first love. I don't really need to go into detail because I already wrote about it. But yes, I will always love him. He taught me so much about life and love and what an immense amount of hope and faith and love can do. I wish him well in his life and hope he finds real love (if he hasn't already).

Soar.

My mom is a phenomenal woman. She is stubborn, caring, and so many more things but she believes in love and I am grateful for that because she has taught me how to love.

She was the only one to understand that at 15 you could fall immensely in love with someone. I remember the first time I fell in love and she never told me that it wasn't real or that it wouldn't last. She would drive me to my dates at the movies or drop me off at his house to watch out weekly tv show. She was always really supportive and for that I thank her.

When I was 15 I fell in love with a guy who was my complete opposite-I was loud, he was quiet; I enjoyed socializing more and he would rather read a book; I enjoyed Taylor swift and he was more the hush sound kind of guy. That was just to name a few. The reason I bring this, and him, up is because the past few years I have asked myself "was this really love?" Dating someone for four years has given me a new perspective on a lot of my love life when I was younger. So back to the question, did I love him? It is silly because we were so young and the stereotype is that people that young don't know what love is or even how to love. Looking back I know that I loved him-for the 2 years and 3 months that we dated he changed me. He made me laugh and think and argue and question my own beliefs. He challenged me but he also showed me what it was like to be beautiful and (more importantly) feel beautiful. I was very lucky to have felt that way at such a crucial age and time in my life.

I am vulnerable and insecure-to this day. I don't feel pretty enough or smart enough or successful enough. This is something that is important for me to get through because I know that I am pretty and smart and successful and I shouldn't compare myself to other people. It's difficult, though. Maybe that is because of the company I keep-who knows?

I still have a letter he wrote me and I will keep that forever; it's sweet and makes me feel special. There are times when sometimes I forget that I meant something to someone so I take out that letter and read it. It may seem silly that I look at that letter as opposed to something that my current boyfriend has given me. Let me tell you, my first love had an incredible way with words. I wrote my whole mode load based on that letter. He has the capability to change someone's life based on the way he writes.

I'm glad that I was lucky enough that he chose to change mine.

Seattle

Loving the wind.

Wedding dress

I had the strangest dream. I was getting married to some random person but then you showed up. You told me not to get married to him because it's always been us. You said that I was the one and I understood all the family stuff you had; you said your family even says that it's me. Lastly, you said you even cheated with me. Then, we kissed. It was so strange. I didn't end up getting married, but I didn't end up with you either.

Shortly after the wedding, I got into a car crash. I was pregnant but I believe the baby lived. S brought me in and told me.

This whole thing was so strange.

The right love at the wrong time.

Is it too late to say sorry now?

Negative

Tested negative for lupus. That's good but I don't know what I have. This sucks.